tired still, dont know what to do, Sigh ...
wx at 8/29/2004 05:51:00 PM
i dont know what happen to us or what happen to them. i dont know why the apparent distance that is between us. dont know when it happen or when didnt it suddenle appear. i think that its the two of them that started this strange attitude towards her. i really dont know or it could be that i dont want to know. maybe its a very small part of me that refuse to acknowledge that "problem". selfish as u might call it but does it really matter? i really dont care anymore. it does not bother me anymore. maybe such incidents have made me weary and tired. i have reached the threshold maximum. i dont care anymore. apathy has caught up on me. care not i do...
maybe she reaped what she sow? maybe she did something that she shouldnt? maybe her "trap" just cant be shut? maybe... maybe... maybe i am just too cynical to bother about her feelings? i dont know... i really dont...
turned 18... haha... aged 1 year... sighmany questions flashed through my head as i aged. maybe
they are merely memories flashback but i cant tell which is which.
if turing older means that there is added stress and hurt then i really dont to,
if turing older means that there is more pain and sorrow than anything else then i really dont want to,
if turing older means that there is more grey areas than i really dont want to,if turing older means that there is more lies then i really dont want to,
if turing older means that there is more coldness then i really dont.
i really dont...
bleak gloomy depressing as it maybe but they are the cold hard truth of life. they are the tormenting realities of life...
had a fun day actually. went out to eat with family. she said her package was delayed. (sigh...) received a COOL watch. yes another one... still waiting for my friends to treat... waiting "patiently" for my gifts... HAHA !!! wonder what will i get or should i say will i get one at all? i really dont know...
tired glad contented
wx at 8/28/2004 11:05:00 PM
sigh another person say i "chim"... maybe i am just off tangent... sigh
pressure is buliding and something its really going to burst...
SIGH !!!
wx at 8/22/2004 04:39:00 PM
set me free by letting me go. let me fly away and not flee from you. let me leave with some diginty. let me leave with pride...
let me be happy by releasing the rein. let me leave without making a wisp of sound. set me free from your clutches...
whats the point of holding on when your heart is no longer there. an empty shell means nothing to me...
what more can anyone of us do but look back in agony. stop this immense torture on both of us. really please let go...
dont let this drag on. do us a favour by opening that very lock that trap us here. release the chains that bind us to all this pain...
let us walk away from this hurtful sight. let us really cherish what ever is left between us. however minute that is...
nothing can we do can reverse this very event. let time heal the wounds and let the world go on...
you have lost everything on that very day when you let is slipped by with no emtions on your part. you loved and lost the very day you let it go...
have you ever...
wx at 8/21/2004 11:29:00 PM
I shouldn’t be blogging but just cant resists it. Haha. The conscience is pricking but I just can’t control. Maybe it’s a reflex action. I have no idea.
Mich said my entries are not intricate. I don’t know why. It’s just an abrupt outburst of my emotions. You can say I am blabbering not nonsense but those are just me feelings at that very fleeting moment of time. I just needed to say what I wanted to say. Nothing more of less.
I am exhausted. I should be letting go but I cant. I am stuck in this endless rat race that I can’t stop. I really cant. Giving up is a coward’s action. It’s not what I should be doing. I need to rest and heal but where is my eternal spring of rejuvenation. Where is my oasis of life? Where is my everything? Where?
I need a break but can I stop at a nearby tavern for a breather but I just can’t seem to locate one. A breather I need but can’t find one. Letting go seems so easy. I can’t resist the temptation to let it go. Choosing a easy way out its so enticing.
Should be letting it go and should be giving up. Should let it free and let it wonder on. Should be setting myself free too…
The sky seems so high.
The ocean seems so wide.
The life I lead seems like a far cry…
wx at 8/14/2004 10:25:00 PM
_ cooker
force per unit urea = _
mmHg is unit for _
Sigh...
wx at 8/10/2004 06:15:00 PM
I didn’t go back that day. Was I being nonchalant or was I being apathetic? I don’t really know my true intentions. I really don’t. Indifferent about that activity could be why I didn’t go for it. Maybe there’s a part of me that didn’t want to go back to the place where so much hurt and damage was done. Maybe I don’t have the courage yet to face the place. Maybe I really don’t have the strength yet…
They asked why didn’t I go. I can’t give them a reply. I don’t know hoe to reply them. What can I say or what should I say at all? I don’t have the faintest idea. Part of me wanted to be with them but yet the major part refuse to budge. Ambivalences have taken the better of me. Was I being anti-social or was I being difficult? Was I being “dao”? Can someone tell me the truth?
Anyway finally saw people blog. I am not the only person. Ha, I needed that form of security. Saw mich blog and didn’t know why the tough equations were for whatever reasons. It’s too intricate and too complex. Actually know that it was for him but why go though such elaborate ways. Matters of the heart are always so convoluted. They are never easy to solve but yet we are always tempted to get our hands entangled. The web of love hurts and it hurts deeply…
I didn’t say that out of experience but just out of a matter of mind, or should say out of my heart. The valley of love is deep and daunting but why do we still venture on while knowing the risks of getting hurt. Why are we so foolish? Is love that really blind or is it just that we are ones that do the blind chasing for it? Love can be bitter sweet but is the sweetness ever enough to justify the ache. Maybe actually love has no justification at all…
We never know…
wx at 8/07/2004 10:25:00 PM
Having a sore throat now. So sad. Anyway that’s not the main thing. Had chemistry practical yesterday, was VERY exasperated by X’s comment. Was piss off by her remarks. Who does it think it is? Think you very smart huh? LOSER…
I think it don’t have a brain coz she don’t really think before it open that nauseating gap of its. So disgusted by its words and whatever it said make my blood boils. Wonder whether does it eats thrash and rubbish? Wonders how anyone can really stand it? Wonder whether it ever stop yakking in its dreams or not?
Enough of the repellent commentary about it. Who cares? Finally saw someone else blogging beside me. That’s NEW. Finally people start to update their lives on the net…
Saw some more of that person’s pictures. Happy that Y is actually leading such exciting life but do I really care. Y was such a good friend in the past but that’s been history. The long forgotten, dreaded past…
Enough for now. Time out. Cya…
wx at 8/01/2004 05:34:00 PM