她问我为什么会闷闷不乐，为什么如此的忧忧，如此的灰。我真得哭笑不得，真得是无话可说。事实是那么的明显但为何你们却终是视而不见 ，宁愿把它推开一旁，漠视它。难道我的感觉就那么的卑微，渺小， 好无存在的价值吗？你知道答案是如此但为什么还要去问我？难道你是要我从嘴里说出来，我们再一次为这件事而大吵一次吗？为这个事情而喋喋不休吗？我反复的问我自己这是否是我要的方式，问我是否作对了。但我的心总是浮现出这个答案来。
你说我在装酷但我并不是。你总是说我必须检讨自己的行为，检讨自己的态度。但你始终不明白一个巴掌是拍不响的。难道错始终都在我的身上，永远都扯不上你？当你说出要我自己去检讨时，我发现了这样做是对的。你无法谅解我。或许这就是自我保护吧。伤了太多，伤了太深，我不想再为自己的无奈而哭泣。至然你不愿去承认那些事情，那我也无须多说什么了。我只好无言以对。
过往的那个我，以往的热诚与多话已荡然无存。取而代之的是冷漠和平静。不想去奢望或期望太多。盼望的太多，失望的也会更加的大。选者用平常心去面对或许会更好。不想去做那个傻瓜，那个不断碰钉子的笨蛋。不是奢望有回报或相同的待遇但只少许要有人的回应。不断的在那儿装疯卖傻，为了让其他人笑一笑，我不想再回到那个时光。我骗了自己一次又一次，现在只好强迫自己去面对那冷酷的现实。到此为止。
或许有一天那个以封闭的心门会再一次的被复兴过来。我或许也在盼望着那天的到来吧。。。
wx at 5/12/2007 12:02:00 AM
wx at 5/11/2007 11:58:00 PM
我遇到了心情的瓶颈， 碰上了麻木的心。不是刻意的去装酷而是真的不想被这些反感的琐碎的心情而束缚着。我不是要显得比较忧郁或较与众不同，但只想赤裸裸的畅开我的心情写照，对自己的心情解剖。现在轮到我自己对自己的坦白与诚实了吧。我需要的是自由不是你多余的关心。你的虚假与伪装对我来说是无谓，是我不屑的。算了吧，我不想解释太多，你走的你独木桥，我走我的汪洋道。
wx at 5/06/2007 06:41:00 PM
See no point of having shards of regret or misery. Its your fucking business that you are a bastard so why should I be bloody bothered. Learnt the lesson from your hardened cruelty, learnt it deep and well. No need to pretend a single bit of interest in your freaking life. Used to be disappointed by the apathy from you with regards to my life but I don’t give a damn now. Why should I be filled with anticipation then be left with nothing but a complete breakdown. Totally devastated by that, was feeling damn bloody freaked out but I don’t give a damn anymore.
wx at 5/01/2007 11:29:00 PM
Here I am weeping for the very last time and it is for myself. Feeling jaded is already an understatement for me. The world doesn’t really care for what you are, your family don’t even give a damn. What the point of arguing when they are desire to the winner all the time. I don’t want to win. I just want you to listen. Is that very difficult? They don’t give a shit then why do I need to give my heart out. I am just being a bastard that’s all. Just a fucking bastard that still foolishly thinks that they do care about you. The moral is simple the answer is blatant. Its was never you but them them them all along. They don’t care if you are feeling anything, they don’t. all the things that they have in mind is just their fucking feelings. Fucking hell to others.
Here I am weeping my heart out but all I get is the blame for everything. No longer is there a need to even feel mellow. Feeling mellow is an overstatement to me. This is the very last time I am weeping that I why I allow myself more time to dwell over such foolish things. Since you all like to win then so be it, I really give up this time and forever. Suit yourselves. I don’t give a fucking damn anymore. I gave up on you all from now.
Cant even shout out when I want to, cant say that I am mad all I am to you all is nothing but a dirt bag to vent your anger. Then what about mine? Ask your freaking self when was the last time I explode? When was the last time I shouted at you or even vent my anger out? I try to bottle everything in deceiving myself that tomorrow will be better. But did it turn out to be so? Was my heart feeling warmer at all? Just go ask yourself? You have all the bloody right to vent you anger but all I can do is keep it to myself. Is that right?
This is the very last time I am going to weeping for myself, for that frozen heart that is void of emotions. Weep for someone whose very own feeling emotions are sacrificed for your own.
Weep…
wx at 5/01/2007 10:05:00 PM